do you guys ever think about dying?
by nat raum
After Barbie (2023, dir. Greta Gerwig)
like, really dying, not just
the kinds of things that escape
your mouth when the episodes
vice-grip your brain and you
convince yourself that stop is the only
way out. no, i’m talking about
dying, the act of body saying i quit,
brain be damned, and the process
through which it then slowly expires.
or else, if you’re trans: the thought
that a cis person with a gun could
end it any minute. i wish i were
able to say this has given me a whole
new lease on life, that i don’t watch
my speed through roland park
and stiffen in the presence of red
ballcaps. everything is not as it appears
on the surface: they say sanctuaries
are swathed in blue, but i know
better. besides, politicians are only
our friends when they want something.
run away. sage your new living room,
minding the corners especially. make
a self-love room spray and douse
your pillowcase in it. keep your heart
alive. keep yourself alive.
iris von everec cleans her palette
by nat raum
the apple to his left is slowly rotting;
the grapes have lost waxy shells, silver
goblet tarnished. i paint in shades
of brilliant cadmium, pthalo mixed
with titanium to cover obvious
dulling. i turn up the corners
of his grimace, inventing laugh
lines. we were and we were and we
were, until we weren’t. i strip
the thick glass panel of its color
splotches, knife first, until
all that remains is burnt
umber, creeping in like shadows
across an unfinished portrait.
About the Author
nat raum is a disabled artist, writer, editor, and genderless disaster based on unceded Piscataway and Susquehannock land in Baltimore. Past publishers of their writing include Split Lip Magazine, Baltimore Beat, Poet Lore, beestung, and others. Find them online at natraum.com.
